Rebecca, age 5
I struggle sometimes giving my kids independence. Sure I let them cook things on the hot stove and slice their own fruit and vegetables with a sharp knife, but when it comes to letting them roam our neighborhood, I keep a vise-like grip on them.
I grew up in a small town. A very, very, very small town. Actually, I grew up on a township road amidst Amish, farmers and families who had been there for generations and everyone knew everyone. This is quite literal, EVERYONE KNEW EVERYONE.
So while I love the city and have been a city girl for the past 10+ years, part of me is the small town girl who is uncertain of the dangers that lurk outside my front door.
I think back to when I was little, and I realized my parents rarely knew where I was in the summers. I had the parameters of staying between the two bridges. Which loosely translated into a mile of hills, creeks, and other people’s backyard. They couldn’t physically see me and that was just fine with them. They knew everyone in the area and knew how to get a hold of us quickly if they needed to. But they knew we were safe and were comfortable letting us explore the neighborhood on our own.
All those summers roaming around, and I was fine. They knew I was fine. There was no reason for them to spend every second with me. I gained a lot of confidence being able to go out on my own and play without supervision. So why do I find it so hard to do the same with my kids?
Some argue that we grew up in different times. But bad things happened as much in the 80′s as they do now. I understand that the dangers are not as great as my brain makes it seem. Although it does happen that kids are abducted by strangers it is not as prevalent as society makes it out to be.
We do live on a busier street than I ever did growing up. One summer I foolishly tried to sell lemonade in my front yard and I went an entire afternoon with not one car, person, or buggy coming down the road.
Here, I only know the neighbors on either side of me. The others I may wave to, but I do not know them in a, hey can you yell at my child kinda way. Where my parents knew everyone in a 1 mile radius of the house, and most of those people were perfectly comfortable disciplining us.
Those are reasons why I keep them in the security of my backyard, but I know by not giving them more freedom I could hurt their self confidence. I wonder if the real reason is, I don’t trust them?
Recently, the kids and I went on a walk. We were just going around the block. Isaac was on his trike, I was pushing Margo in a car, and Rebecca was riding her bike. We get about 10 feet and Isaac stops dead in his tracks and swears if he goes any further he will “die right there.” Rebecca patiently stops and waits for us to get moving. We get another 20 feet and the same thing happens, another 20 feet and the same thing. At this point, Rebecca is mad. She wants to go for a long ride down the hill and she settled for this little jaunt around the block. So if she is just going for this little ride, she wants to go faster.
With trepidation and a heck of a lot of fear, I tell her to go on ahead of us. I give her permission to ride back to the house. Michael is there cooking dinner, and she can have Michael come search for us when we aren’t home at sunset. She breaks out ahead, and stops about a block ahead of us. When she sees we are gaining ground she she starts back up and stops again about a half block ahead. This time when she goes ahead she goes further and further and further until all I can see is a glimpse of her hot pink jacket as she disappears around the corner.
I have to admit I start to panic, I know I said I was ready for this, but I am not. I basically just sent my little girl out to get annihilated. She might unknowingly ride her bike out into the street, or go the wrong way, or, oh crap here comes a van WITH TINTED WINDOWS! Maybe those crazy parents of the 80′s are right and only people in vans with tinted windows kidnap kids. (Why were we only warned away from vans with tinted windows?)
Isaac of course can sense my distress so he stops dead and lays his head on the handlebars and refuses to move. So I have to decide if I go chasing after this kidnapping van, who might either run over my child or take her away forever, or wait for the obstinate 3 year old. I take a deep breath and loosen my grip. I know she is fine, I need to give her some space, besides I saw the van go straight and not turn. When Isaac finally decides he is “rested” we start to move again.
When Isaac, Margo and I turn towards the house, we find Rebecca running to meet us. She had a ginormous smile on her face and said, “I was getting worried about you guys, I thought I better come look for you.” Egads, she is growing up, maybe I should trust her a little more.
Who needs advice from Olympian Jeff Galloway, I have my own pit crew to help me get through race day. I am running my 5 th half marathon tomorrow and in preparation I asked my kids, my niece, and my nephew what advice they had for me. Some of it was actually practical and some of it I am not sure what race THEY are running…
Shhhh, don’t tell them.
